Monday, March 12, 2012

An Introduction to Cassandra


Hello and Welcome to my blog.

First off the let introduce myself, my name is… well that’s not the right; My Birth name is Andrew, however I will eventually be called Cassandra. You see I’m transgender and that’s what this whole blog is, it’s my journey through transition. Thus the name of the blog “A Life In Transition: The Journey form He to She”

Let me tell you my story…

            I like many other transgender men and women out there I knew around the age of 5 that there was something wrong with the way I was born. At the age of 7 I knew that I was a boy on the outside but that contradicted everything I felt on the inside. On the inside I was a 7-year-old little girl not a 7-year-old little boy!

            I always wanted to play with the girl toys, I wanted Barbie for Christmas, and I wanted to play dress up. I remember sneaking into my parents room when they went out and left my two older brother to watch me, I would go into their room and put on my mom’s shoes and her jewelry and I would just pretend that I was this little girl, and I remember being so happy. Most times my parents left the house again I would sneak in and dress up.

            As I grew older I begin to hear that I wasn’t the only little girl that was trapped in the body of a boy, I heard that there were thousands of us all over the world. I also learned that there were people out there that thought that people like me discussing, wrong, and mentally touched. Hearing this I decided to hold it in, suppress it the best I could.

            Around the age of 17 this feeling resurfaced (well that implies that the feeling had be suppressed and in fact it had not it was just under the surface poking its head up every now and again, but for wont of a better word I’ll go with resurfaced) and I thought to myself “I can accept the fact that I like other guys so I’m Gay!”

            I wasn’t being truthful with myself, by saying I was gay I thought that it would suppress that feeling again, but alas it didn’t. Then I came out to my parents as gay at the age of 22, on New Years Day to be precise. But that didn’t satisfy the feeling. I thought maybe I’ll just get a boyfriend and this will take my mind off the feeling…

            That didn’t work at all, I would sabotage any potential relationship I had one way or another. When I broke down and allowed myself to be in a relationship was 23 and to this guy I had lost my virginity to, but (without getting into to many details) I never once had an ejaculation with him, don’t get me wrong I was sexually satisfied, but never once did I ejaculate. Weather that’s part of be transgender or not, I have yet to find out but I will make an update as soon as I find out.

            Two weeks after that relationship ended in August of 2010 my grandmother passed away which was a big loss for me because she was one of my best friends. But her passing made me realize that life truly is two short but I wasn’t ready to transition, I guess you could say I was still in denial because I made the decision to become a drag queen; thinking that it would fully satisfied the desire. But that too had the opposite effect. In fact it made me more than ever want to transition, and that brings me here.

I’ve found a Gender Therapist in Orlando and once I get me (seasonal) job back here in a few weeks I’ll make my appointment to go a see her and hopefully soon after I’ll be going to the endocrinologist to start Hormone Replacement Therapy.

I’ll be using these blog posts as well as vlogs on my youtube channel which I will post the info once I get it up and running same for my website.

Until my next entry,
Love Always,
Cassandra

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