Saturday, March 31, 2012

An Open Door….


A new door, or I should say a new opportunity has presented itself to me in recent days. This opportunity actually has to do with transitioning. I have come to find out that in the country of Sweden that once you are diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder you are then covered by the national health care system which covers everything with the exception of things that are consider cosmetic surgeries nose jobs, breast implants, things of that nature, though that being said im having a hard time find information on that outside of the once source that I have found.

With the exception of the prices for the cosmetic surgeries you would end up paying somewhere around $3,600.00 compare that to the $100,000.00 that I would pay here you can see the allure of becoming a Swedish citizen so you can transition… However I would be in a foreign country alone having a surgeries that will change my life forever, I would miss my friends but most of all I would miss my mom and dad you can see why im conflicted. On one had I could personally afford my transition, I would be living somewhere where I have wanted to live my whole life (i.e. Europe) but I would not have my family with me. What’s a person to do?

One thing I know for sure is that im going to have the surgery here in the US or in Europe…

There will be more on this topic to come as I figure things out …

Until my next entry,
Love Always,
Cassandra

Friday, March 30, 2012

Telling The World…


I’ve come out as trans to my parents and friends, which all went really well and I couldn’t be happier about that. Here’s how things went down… well it all started the last Saturday in February when my mom said “Andrew, what’s wrong?” to which I replied “nothing, why?” (Which wasn’t true I really wanting to tell her “Mom, Im transgender”) She said “nothing, you just seem like you want to say something that’s all.”

That follow Monday my mother had surgery to remove her gallbladder, the day after my mother had the operation (February 28, 2012) I was sitting on her bed watching TV with her and she asked again “Are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell me?” I replied “Mom if I tell you something do you promise that you will always love me and not be mad at me?” To which she said “Of course Andrew, you’re my child and I’ll love you no matter what, and I promise not to get mad” then I said “ok well the thing is my whole life I have always felt like a girl on the inside and I want to start the process of transitioning.”

We talked for a while after that and everything was ok; she also told me that she would work on my dad to see how he would react to the news…

On March 12, 2012 is the day I told my dad. I started by saying “Dad I need to tell you something, my whole life I have felt different on the inside than on the outside…” to which he interrupted me by saying “Andrew its ok I know and understand. I love you as you are and I will just have to get used to saying my daughter.” Then we hugged and that was that, I was so happy.

All the friends I told were fine with it as well no problems, I didn’t lose a friendship or nothing. I was happy about that too.

Until my next entry,
Love Always,
Cassandra

Monday, March 12, 2012

An Introduction to Cassandra


Hello and Welcome to my blog.

First off the let introduce myself, my name is… well that’s not the right; My Birth name is Andrew, however I will eventually be called Cassandra. You see I’m transgender and that’s what this whole blog is, it’s my journey through transition. Thus the name of the blog “A Life In Transition: The Journey form He to She”

Let me tell you my story…

            I like many other transgender men and women out there I knew around the age of 5 that there was something wrong with the way I was born. At the age of 7 I knew that I was a boy on the outside but that contradicted everything I felt on the inside. On the inside I was a 7-year-old little girl not a 7-year-old little boy!

            I always wanted to play with the girl toys, I wanted Barbie for Christmas, and I wanted to play dress up. I remember sneaking into my parents room when they went out and left my two older brother to watch me, I would go into their room and put on my mom’s shoes and her jewelry and I would just pretend that I was this little girl, and I remember being so happy. Most times my parents left the house again I would sneak in and dress up.

            As I grew older I begin to hear that I wasn’t the only little girl that was trapped in the body of a boy, I heard that there were thousands of us all over the world. I also learned that there were people out there that thought that people like me discussing, wrong, and mentally touched. Hearing this I decided to hold it in, suppress it the best I could.

            Around the age of 17 this feeling resurfaced (well that implies that the feeling had be suppressed and in fact it had not it was just under the surface poking its head up every now and again, but for wont of a better word I’ll go with resurfaced) and I thought to myself “I can accept the fact that I like other guys so I’m Gay!”

            I wasn’t being truthful with myself, by saying I was gay I thought that it would suppress that feeling again, but alas it didn’t. Then I came out to my parents as gay at the age of 22, on New Years Day to be precise. But that didn’t satisfy the feeling. I thought maybe I’ll just get a boyfriend and this will take my mind off the feeling…

            That didn’t work at all, I would sabotage any potential relationship I had one way or another. When I broke down and allowed myself to be in a relationship was 23 and to this guy I had lost my virginity to, but (without getting into to many details) I never once had an ejaculation with him, don’t get me wrong I was sexually satisfied, but never once did I ejaculate. Weather that’s part of be transgender or not, I have yet to find out but I will make an update as soon as I find out.

            Two weeks after that relationship ended in August of 2010 my grandmother passed away which was a big loss for me because she was one of my best friends. But her passing made me realize that life truly is two short but I wasn’t ready to transition, I guess you could say I was still in denial because I made the decision to become a drag queen; thinking that it would fully satisfied the desire. But that too had the opposite effect. In fact it made me more than ever want to transition, and that brings me here.

I’ve found a Gender Therapist in Orlando and once I get me (seasonal) job back here in a few weeks I’ll make my appointment to go a see her and hopefully soon after I’ll be going to the endocrinologist to start Hormone Replacement Therapy.

I’ll be using these blog posts as well as vlogs on my youtube channel which I will post the info once I get it up and running same for my website.

Until my next entry,
Love Always,
Cassandra